Dearest Kurt, Have Courage
by Obsessivefan29
Summary: Blaine is gone, taken so cruelly from Kurt, taken before his time. How will Kurt cope? Blaine's Letters. Blaine's Always there to make sure Kurt is okay.
1. Your Blaine

**Hey guys, I'm trying out a new kind of story at the moment. I had the weirdest dream involving P.S I Love You and it led me to doing a Klaine version. I hope you can forgive me for making a Blaine less Kurt!**

**Please Review as I'm not sure whether to continue this story or not! Any suggestions would also be gratefully received! **

**Thanks for reading **

**Disclaimer: I don't own glee**

**3**

Dearest Kurt,

I Love You. Never forget that.

I know this seems silly but it's hard to say it in words, I can't say it aloud, or talk it through. But on paper, it's so much easier to just let it out, everything I say sounds better. I'm sorry. And yes I know you'll be mad at me for apologising because it is not really my fault, but it feels that way. I just have to say it because I want you to know I never wanted it to be like this. I didn't want it to end like this. I wanted things to be different. I intended it to be different. I had so much planned, so much to do, so much I wanted to do with you. But that wasn't the way the universe intended it obviously. I may still be young but I do have regrets. Lots of them in fact. But they aren't important right now. I want you to know that you have given me so many good memories; so much love and I had the best fortune for finding you. I was lucky, I was blessed and I am ever so thankful to have had the small amount of time with you. You have been the light of my life, the love of my life and the best part of my life. You will always have my heart. So don't ever doubt yourself, or say I wish I had done more, been more, given him more Kurt Hummel, Because you gave me everything. You were my world.

I know you'll want to know when I wrote this because that's who you are. An inquisitive so and so, and I love you for it. I'm writing this just after I get back from telling you. I don't think my heart has ever broken as much as when I watched you break in front of my eyes just now. I don't want to leave you I really don't. I want to stay with you but I can't. It's just not possible. But I don't want you to ever hurt like that again, it was hard enough for me to watch and I hate that I've put you through all of this but you just wouldn't let go. If you'd have just let me break up with you in the first place and not asked questions… I would say it would have been easier but I guess it wouldn't have. I don't think I'd have got this far without you, without you by my side supporting me. No one should face this alone and I'm glad I had you.

I wanted to help, that's why I wrote this. I didn't want you to ever feel alone, or unwanted or unloved. I wanted you to know that I will still be there to guide you through this awful situation, and will be right there beside you when the letters stop. I am so sorry for leaving you, but at some point you will move on, you have to move on. And although that seems distant and way into the future, all I want is for you to be happy.

Just try and leave the apartment for a bit in the next couple of days. Just go for that walk we always do around central park or go to the coffee shop. Just get out and get some fresh air. Don't coop yourself up, you'll only do yourself harm and I couldn't live with myself if that happened. For me? Leave the apartment, go people watch like we always used to.

Until The next one

Have Courage

Forever and Always

Your Blaine

xxx

It arrived in the mail, 2 days after the funeral. At first Kurt was angry, who would play such a cruel practical joke on him, could they not see his pain? He had broken, lost the one person he had relied on, and loved more than he ever thought possible. But then he realised. It was just like Blaine to do this. It was all he had ever done for Kurt, look out for him. Even in the beginning of their friendship he was stepping in to help Kurt with the Karofsky problem, it was just in his nature. And then Kurt broke down. He could hear Blaine's voice, reading the letter to him, struggling with what to write, how to write it, what words to say, it was just like him to want everything to be perfect, just like his dance moves and his singing. He would practise and practise for hours, especially during West Side Story.

The letter was everything Kurt needed right then and yet everything that he didn't at the same time. But he was grateful. He loved Blaine and that would never change.

He picked up the phone and rang Rachel. She had been there for both of them and now was Kurt's leaning post since the funeral. She came straight over, and then they went out, just for a small walk around central park, and Kurt immediately felt better with Rachel linking arms with him he knew he still had a support system and that Blaine would never truly be gone. Now all he had to do was wait for the next letter.


	2. Regrets

**Hey Guys, **

**Sorry about the delay with this chapter! I've just got back from a week long holiday with my family with no internet! So I haven't been able to upload!**

**Please Review! I would love to know your feedback on this chapter!**

**3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee**

Dearest Kurt,

I Love You. Never Forget That.

So it's been 6 days since you received my last letter. I hope you've been going out for little walks even if just to keep yourself sane. I know what you're like. Don't lock yourself away. I hope you're doing okay. I can't imagine what you're going through and I'm so sorry that I am the cause. If I could change the way this ended I would, believe me I would in the blink of an eye. But I can't. It's just like regrets. The things we wish we could change but are already said and done so can't be altered. I want you to know my regrets. Not because I want to get them off my conscience, before I go, but because I want you to know that I'm not perfect. I don't know why I need you to know this, I guess it is because you have always held me on such a pedal stool. I mean that in a good way. Your love has always been the entire world to me, it has helped me through everything and I just want you to know that I'm not perfection. I want you to know what I hid from you.

The most prominent for me being that I ran. I ran when I should have stayed and been stronger, had more courage. Those bullies, were nowhere near as bad as Karofsky was to you, but it felt a million times worse. Once my dad found out I was gay he tried to change me, make me do things with him that he thought were manly and would make me straight, but it just doesn't work like that, so he gave up on me. He rarely talked to me, couldn't stand to be in the same room as me, and worst of all, he couldn't even look at me. My mum loved my dad too much, and had no idea how to act around me so poured everything she had into her cooking. She runs that cute little cupcake store on the corner, you know, the one we always pass and you say smells delicious. Yea that's my mum's shop. They really are pretty good cupcakes. I could never take you in there because I found it too hard to face her. She abandoned me in my time of need, and although I will always love her, she was never a mum like yours, or like Carole is to you. So I basically had no one to turn to when I was being bullied, my school didn't have a glee club like yours to support me, and my family couldn't have cared less, or in Cooper's place, had no idea what to do. So I transferred. I got away. And for that I am glad but I am also incredibly mad at myself for running. But if I hadn't I would never have met you.

My second biggest regret would be that I didn't realise how amazing, talented and beautiful you are sooner. It took Pavarotti's death for me to realise that you were the one for me, and I'm sorry about that! We could have had so much longer, if I wasn't too busy being me! And I put you through the whole gap attack and 'when I get you alone' scenario without even realising you liked me and deep down I liked you too. I don't know if I ever did tell you the story of how I knew you were the one for me. SO here goes, it's now or never right? It was when you walked into The Warbler sanctuary with tears streaming down your face and I could see, even through those tears that there was so much love so much compassion and so much care. You hadn't known him very long and yet you and the passion you have meant that his Death hit you hard, and that was Beautiful to me. And then, and then you opened your mouth. I will never forgive you. I couldn't take my eyes off you. It was the most gorgeous, passionate, amazing song I had ever heard. I knew right then, watching you perform that I couldn't live without you. It was in that instant I realised I didn't need or want Jeremiah; it was then that I looked into those big blue eyes, and lost myself. It was you I had been looking for. I'm sorry I never told you before but it seemed to not matter, and then towards the end I didn't want to get all soppy and admit things, I just wanted to create a few last memories, happy memories with you.

My other main regret would be that we aren't in the same year. I know I know I can already hear you telling me that I can't regret that because I didn't choose it, but it would have been nice to graduate with you, and go to college with you and to not be a year behind. But you're right, I can't change that fact. I would love to be able to though. To have been in all the same classes, and not just some, to be wearing red at the same time as you, to be leaving for New York with you.

I have several others but they just don't feel as important as those. The fact I got so drunk when we went to that gay bar, and tried to get you onto the backseat… I really am sorry about that and if I could change it I wold, but I was drunk and well yea that's no excuse at all! But it made us stronger so in all the bad that comes with it, it did us some good I guess. You seeing me without hair gel is another. I hate my hair without hair gel. It's so weird and crazy and has a mind of its own. How? I don't know… it just does. Me getting angry at you about the whole texting thing seems kind of ridiculous right now don't you think? I can't believe I did that! It seems so small and meaningless, you weren't doing anything wrong and I over reacted, but the thought of losing you was too much, you were my life, I loved you and I needed you. So you couldn't leave me. Or I really didn't want you to. But yea. That's the lot I think. That's all I have to tell you, that you don't already know. And that's all the self-pity I can take so we will stop there.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you any of this before, but it was too hard. To face you with all these secrets, knowing that as my boyfriend you should have been the first one I turned to. But I can't turn back the clock and change it.

I hope you can forgive me for letting all this out now, I just wanted you to know. I wanted you to be able to fill in the blanks of everything you didn't know about me, the good and the bad. The things I couldn't tell you in person, but the things I longed to tell you.

Now before I finish there is just one thing I want you to do for me. I need you to go to my mother's little cupcake shop. I need you to go in and just buy one. The triple chocolate threat is amazing I think you'll love it. Just make sure she's okay. If you can, just try and talk to her, just as a stranger, just so she has some outlet, someone to talk to because my dad will have been no good for that. Please. You'll love her, and I think you'll do each other a great support. I love you and I just want you to know her. I want you both to be okay.

Until The next one

Have Courage

Forever and Always

Your Blaine

xxx

It had been 6 days since Kurt had received the last letter. He had been going out of his mind not knowing the kind of time scale he was revolving around. He didn't want his life to be based around these letters now, but he knew for a while, he needed them to keep going. In some ways he wished Blaine had put when the next one would be arriving, but he knew that wasn't the way Blaine had planned it. So when the next letter appeared in his post on the 6th day, he rushed upstairs to open it after sending a text to Rachel telling her to come over immediately. He read it with Teenage Dream blaring in the back ground. By midway through the letter, he could barely hold himself together, why had he never pried for more information from Blaine about his family? And by the end of the letter he was curled up in a ball on his bed sobbing, which was when Rachel walked in. She had such impeccable timing. She always had. All she had to do was sit down on the bed, rub soothing circles on his back and pick up the letter to begin reading. Once she had finished, there were tears in her eyes, and she stayed with him all night. Not needing to say anything, she just had to be there for him.

The next morning, they got up, and went out for their usual walk. Except this time Rachel guided them down a different street, the one with a cute cupcake shop at the end. They stopped outside and just watched, watched the business run, how it worked, how busy it was. But the most noticeable thing to them both, how slowly the owner went about her daily work, and the sadness in her eyes. When she looked out, she caught their eyes, and a look of surprise crossed her eyes before motioning a stay there command and disappearing into the back. Rachel and Kurt gave each other a confused look, before looking back to the shop as the owner walked down the steps towards them.

**Thanks for reading guys (: hope you enjoyed it!**

**Please review!**

**3**


	3. Broken

**Hi again!**

**I'm sorry it's been so long since I last updated but life has been super crazy what with work and family stuff!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a little longer than the others so let me know what you think!**

**Please review (:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own glee.**

This letter. He didn't know why but this letter felt like the hardest one so far. To begin with it was a need to feel close to Blaine, the second he saw the handwriting on the front of the first envelope it was like a lifeline. Something holding him together, providing him with that little push to keep living his life even with the horrible situation he was in.. But this one, the third letter, it just felt so hard. How many letters would he be getting? How much about Blaine did he not know? Did he want to find out more? The more he thought about it, the more his answer became clear. He had to keep reading; he had to know what Blaine wanted him to know. He fully understood there are some things that you just have to keep to yourself, things about yourself the other person doesn't need to know at that precise time but you know they will need to be told at some point. To start with it took a lot of convincing for Kurt to realise that Blaine hadn't be hiding himself from Kurt, just that he didn't feel it was the right time to tell him. Maybe he felt like he might scare him off or that he couldn't bare Kurt to think of him in a bad way. Whatever his reasoning, it just made Kurt love his stupidity more.

It had been a week since he received the last letter and 5 days since he had been down to the Cupcake café on forth. That was a day he'd never forget. And although he hadn't really understood why Blaine wanted him to go meet his mum then, once he got there, and she started down the steps towards them, he knew it was the right thing to do. It had been so strange. He had expected to not be recognised and to have just walked in, ordered a coffee and a cupcake and sat down, knowing who she was but not having the courage just yet to go up to her. But it didn't happen like that. Of course it didn't. they hadn't even gone inside the shop when his mum spotted them and came out to see them, It was one of the most odd and yet helpful experiences Kurt had ever been through. She had stopped in front of them, with tears in her eyes and just said, 'Kurt?' to which he had just nodded in awe. And then she did something he did not see coming. She hugged him. Holding on as if for dear life. Neither of them said anything more for a while, they just held each other as the tears fell, knowing somehow it was easier together, Once they let go, she took his hands and held them in hers and just looked right into his eyes, It was in that moment that Kurt knew what Blaine had meant. There was so much love and compassion for what she did and those she cared about, and so much kindness that just poured out of her eyes. She couldn't really get much out. And Kurt understood how hard it was, but what she did get out moved him. 'Thank you for being there for my son when he needed you, and when we weren't. Thank you for loving him, and for making him happy. It's all I ever wanted for him.'

There was no hatred of the fact Blaine had been gay with her. There was just love. And it was in that moment that Kurt knew why Blaine had asked him to come. He could tell that she needed some extra support; someone to talk to outside of her family, and Kurt needed the same, from someone who understood what was going on, what he was going through. 'Come inside you two, we've got a fresh batch of cupcakes coming out and I would love the chance to get to know you.' And with a quick glance at each other, Rachel's full of understanding and hopefulness that this lady would be able to help and comfort Kurt, they followed her inside, and sat down talking for what was about 2 hours. They had talked about Blaine's life before Kurt, Blaine's life once Kurt had joined the scene, and Blaine's family life. Kurt talked about how Blaine was at school, how loving and caring he was to everyone around him, and Rachel told her how happy they were to have had him at McKinley. They didn't go into Kurt and Blaine's relationship because they felt it might be too much. They could tell that his dad did have an influence on her, Lizzie that is, as she had told them to call her, when the use of Ma'am had become too much and the use of Blaine's mum would have been too overwhelming. By the time Lizzie got called away to help with the shop and the changeover of the batches of cupcakes, they had been there for about 2 and a half hours. As she was leaving them and they were getting up to go, she turned and said 'you will come back again sometime won't you? It would be lovely to see you both again.' Kurt nodded and said 'same time next week?'. And she smiled, hugged them both and went back to her business, and they left to go home. Kurt had an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness towards Blaine for directing him to his mother, and to Lizzie for being so accepting and understanding and being willing to talk. It was with this memory in mind that he opened the next letter. Trying to be just as strong as she had appeared to be, continuing on with her life.

_Dearest Kurt,_

_I Love You. Never Forget That._

_I'm sorry I asked so much of you in my last letter. I … I …. Just needed to make sure she was okay. It was too soon I know, sending you to my mother. What was I thinking? She could never be normal around me after she found out, and I sent you to her. I'm sorry, I should have better thought about it, but I needed two of my favourite people to be okay. In a way I do hope you went. Maybe she could have seen how amazing, and brilliant, and generous and kind you are, and seen how happy you had made me. She would have seen that without my Dad around, he clouds her vision. And she won't listen to anyone else once he has had his say. It just gets me so mad! He gets me so mad, but I shouldn't talk about him anymore, he tried to make it up to me. _

_When I found out what I had, I went home and talked to Cooper. I was so upset. I couldn't believe it was happening to me, what had I done to the universe? But my Dad overheard our conversation and went out. He slammed the front door, and was gone for two days. My Mum became depressive, thinking he had left her and wouldn't come back, so I didn't tell her, I couldn't tell her. She was my Mum, I didn't want her to break any further, it was hard enough seeing her in the state my Dad had put her in just by leaving, how would she take the news that I had? That she was going to lose a son? So Cooper and I supported her, stood by her, made sure everything was okay until he returned. Which he did, eventually._

_My Mum's face lit up as soon as he walked in the room, she ran to him, jumped on him, hugging him, crying. He just held her, said nothing and stared into my eyes. There was knowing in his eyes, I knew he'd been off contemplating everything, everything he thought of me, everything he had ever wanted me to be, to have and couldn't understand why this was happening to his family. He didn't break the eye contact until my Mum finally let go, he just looked down into her eyes, smiled, stroked her hair and told her he was sorry and that he loved her, and that work had been stressing him out so he wanted some space. But that it would never happen again. And then after that he treated me normally, he tried to regain what we'd lost. We both knew it wasn't possible, but we tried. He could never look at me with the same pride and confidence he did with Cooper, I would always be less to him. And although I did pretend I didn't know it towards the end, and that I thought we were a happy family, I always knew we were never going to be truly okay. But I will always be thankful that he tried, even if it was because of the short time I had left. _

_My Mum. Telling my Mum. On my list of worst things to do that comes a very close second to telling you. __She was_

_It was__I have never_

_Wow this is even hard to just write down. She was my world, she was my Mum and I somehow had to tell her that I wouldn't be around anymore. That I would soon be gone. And that somehow everyone else knew before her. I could imagine the situation one hundred different ways and more besides but I would never have guessed or possibly created it the way it actually happened. It was exactly one week after I had found out when I worked up enough courage to tell her, which sounds awful I know. Or well it did to me but you have to understand that I was scared, terrified and I had to come to terms with it before I could even contemplate telling someone else. I had imagined her reaction so many different ways. Like her crying what felt like endless tears, her hugging me and never letting go, her leaving and not coming back for days as dad had, her not being able to look at me because it was too hard, her supporting me and being there for me throughout it all (that one was my favourite in my head… it was the ideal situation, but I knew I would have to be lucky to get that one) or maybe it would be her not believing me until it was too late. I had so many options, so many ways she could react and that was even before I started thinking about how to tell her, the words, the sentences, the doctors diagnosis, would I stumble? Could I get it out before I started to cry? Could I get it out at all or would it be best not to tell her. My head was in so many places, and that was why I was so distant for the week before I told you, which I apologise for. But with you I knew you would know something was up before I said anything, and I could spill it out however I could because you understood me, you were my rock and you wouldn't of cared which way I said it. _

_But she was … she is my mum and she had brought me into this world and I had to pluck up the courage to tell her, tell her it was my time to go. This memory will never fade. She was in the kitchen cooking for tea, lasagne and some of her cupcakes. They were all my favourites, lasagne had always been my favourite meal and her Banoffee cream chocolate cupcakes although completely awful for you were my favourites and I would do anything for them. It was like she knew. But she didn't. As I walked in she turned around and smiled and started babbling away to me so fast it was hard for me to keep up with everything that was going on in my head._

'_Now Blaine I understand your under a lot of stress with McKinley and a lot of your friends graduating, and your father disappearing for a few days hasn't helped anything but I want you to know you can tell me anything. And it has to be said I feel I can tell you anything too. Which is why I wanted to talk to you, I was actually about to head up to your room but seeming as you've come down here we can chat now.'_

_She tailed off for a minute obviously trying to get her head in order and catch her breath from that explosion that seemed to come from nowhere and tell me not a lot but happened in like a few seconds. And before I could tell her to stop and listen, she started up again._

'_I know I acted poorly over the last few days, no I know, don't try and say it wasn't my fault I know you Blaine. But it was my fault, I shouldn't have bailed out like that into myself, because your father would never leave, we've had our ups and downs as a family but we are strongest together and well deep down I knew he would be back It was just hard to contemplate at the time. Plus in the heat of the moment you just get swept away with the emotions. But I wanted you to know that I love you. I realise that since you came…. Since you told us…. Since you admitted… you … since you told your father and I that you were…. Gay… things haven't been the same and I know I've treated you differently and I shouldn't have because you are still my baby boy. You are still the little boy that would run to me when school had finished and was waiting in the playground to pick you up. Your still the little boy that used to love helping me bake, and eating a large portion of the mix. Your still the little boy that used to sit on your Dad's lap during the football. And your still that little boy who looked up to his older brother, and used to follow him round much to his annoyance.' She stopped as they both laughed at the memory she was referring to where Cooper had told him that he was going on an exciting mission and I couldn't come. I was so upset that he wouldn't let me go that I got really mad and followed him round all day to see where he would go on this mission. He never did go. To this day Cooper insists he was only doing it to wind me up but me and mum both knew it was because he liked the attention and well he cared about me._

_I knew mum wasn't done with her speech but I couldn't let her go on, I had to step in, before this went too far and I couldn't work up the guts to tell her._

'_Mum, I need to tell…'_

'_Blaine not for a minute I need to get this out'_

'_But mum please this is import…' _

'_Blaine whatever you have to tell me cannot be that important so just let me finish and then I will listen to what you have to say. Now where was I?' I knew she meant well and I didn't want to upset her more than I was going to, plus I didn't have the heart to stop her so I let her carry on._

'_O yes, I need you to know that nothing has changed, I am still your mum, I still know what your favourite food is, I know how to take care of you and myself if your father does go AWOL again, my cupcake business, although still young is doing extremely well in this neighbourhood. I want you to be able to look at me like you used to. With those eyes that showed nothing but love and childhood happiness. I know high school was rough on you and that the move to McKinley wasn't just for the music program there, and to save us money. I see the despair in your eyes, and the pain, and I chose to ignore it and for that I will forever be sorry. I want to learn more about the you you are now, the you you've become, the issues you've had. I want to be there for you. I want things to change. I've spoken to your father and we both agree this has gone on too long, you are our son and we love you no matter what. So please forgive us for the way we treated you and the distance we spaced ourselves and the many other awful ways I've handled myself towards you.'_

_By the end of this speech we were both in floods, neither of us had control of our emotions anymore, the floodgates were open. Our eyes were locked. It was the speech I had longed for, I had wanted for years since I had come out to them, it was the start of the repair, the recreation of my family, but it had come too late. _

'_Mum, I could never be angry at you or Dad. I love you guys and I know it was to do with the way you were raised and all that, but you have to know I forgave and forgot about all that the moment you just started talking and this is why what I am about to say is so hard. It … It just came too late. I so wanted this family to become the way we were, stronger together, I just wish it had happen before this.'_

_She was staring at me with a look of confusion and worry and no understanding as to where I was going with this. _

'_Mum I'm dying.' _

_I couldn't get any more out. That was it. That was how I told her, that was how I broke it to her, but I was not prepared for what happened next._

'_YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY? YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY BLAINE? AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH? AFTER EVERYTGING THIS FAMILY HAS ENJURED AND SUFFERD FOR? YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT YOUR OWN DEATH? IS THIS THE MAN YOU'VE BECOME? BECAUSE IF SO I DON'T LIKE IT. OR IS THIS YOUR WAY OF GETTING REVENGE ON US FOR EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED, AND US NOT SUPPORTING YOU, BECAUSE THAT, that is low.' Her voice broke at the last three words. I had no idea why until I turned around and saw my dad and Cooper stood in the door way, tears running down their faces. That's when she realised. That's when it hit her. Why dad had run off, why me and Cooper had suddenly seemed so much closer, been whispering and kept stopping our conversations when she walked in the room. Why I had been so distant recently. And she broke. It was the worst thing to watch. Suddenly her whole body just went weak and she fell to the floor, screaming, just screaming, long endless screams, that filled the house and made the neighbours come running. Long screams of pain, like she was being ripped apart. She couldn't look at any of us as the tears poured down her face and she had to gulp in air between screeches. 'Not my baby' was by far the worst to hear her screech. It was like the most painful nightmare any of us would ever encounter. She was always the strong one, the one who didn't show upset, or anger, she could cover anything up and turn the situation around in the blink of an eye. And yet there she was, curled up into a ball in the middle of our kitchen floor, screaming, screaming with every ounce of her body, it seems to echo through her and around the room. She flinched away from everyone, she was inconsolable. It was killing me. I had done that. I had caused that pain, that utter and never-ending sorrow. I had broken my mother, and this could only get worse as the time went on and I slowly deteriorated. And there was nothing that could do to stop it. This thing, this disease, it was tearing me apart, it was destroying my family, it was destroying everyone's life. And there was no cure._

_I stood up from the table, where I had sat down at some point, I don't even remember when and I found myself stuck. I didn't know what to do. No one else was moving, no one was flinching at the screams, they were all just watching, trying to coax her out of this state of what felt like no return, with the sorrow in their eyes. Even if they didn't know the true reason for this, you could see in their eyes that they knew it had to be something horrific. It was the silence of everyone in the room that got to me. No one knew why this was happening but it was almost as if they understood. I would never fully understand the human body or the brain or how capable we can be, but in this moment, in that moment it was enlightening. Although there was never more than a casual conversation over the fence between my family and the neighbours, they seemed to understand the situation better than any of us in an instant. It brought tears to my eyes that almost strangers could be there for us at a time like this. _

_I was transfixed by the screams, I couldn't move to comfort her, I couldn't talk to help her through it, I couldn't even get to the end of my explanation. It was as if everything was crumbling down around me. I was 21. 21. 21 and I was heading on a rapid downhill slope, my mum was destroyed, my family would never be the same, or as it was when I was younger, and I had to leave behind everything and everyone that I loved. It was in these moments that I lost myself, deep in thought transfixed in her eyes._

_And then the screams stopped. She had no energy left, she had no voice, there was nothing left but a shell. She barely looked like my mother anymore. Her eyes met mine and I couldn't see my mum anymore. It was like looking into a glass or something, it wasn't right. She sat up and just rocked. She rocked all night. The kitchen stayed silent. The neighbours left eventually, and then it was just the four of us. I don't remember when Dad and Cooper sat down. But they did, watching mum, with tears, rivers still pouring from their eyes, as if they hadn't really come to terms with it either like they had appeared to. I stood there for hours, staring at my mother, before my legs gave out and I slid down the cabinet and sat there. We stayed there all night. Staring at each other. Trying to get through this, but I knew things would never be the same. It was my fault, the screaming, the rocking, the crying, and the endless pain that would haunt my family. I shut my eyes as tightly as I could hoping to escape from this hell, hoping it was all just a dream, hoping this wasn't really happening. I thought of you, and our coffee dates, and our walks along the park, and the happiness I feel when I'm with you. It was what I would miss the most.. The simple things. My mum's cupcakes, my dad's laugh and you, the feeling I get when I'm with you. It was the duets with Cooper and everything I never got to do. Why me? Why did this have to happen to me? Why not someone else? I had always been good. Never done anything bad. It shouldn't be like this. No mother or father should have to lose a child so early. I thought about how they would take the full story, what I had, how long I had left. But I knew I couldn't tell them now, it was still too raw. It was still so new. I could feel them all watching me. Not knowing what to do, as if I would. When I opened them again a single tear rolled down my face as I looked at my mum. She was staring at me, endless staring that shook me to my core. Her mouth opened and all that came out was a rasp, a painful sound before three little words, 'I love you' came from her throat. It was all she had to say before my dad descended on her, wrapping her up, and rocking with her. No one moved for the rest of the night. It was like we couldn't. Like we were frozen. Like we needed the time to each individually deal with it together. I don't remember falling asleep, or blacking out but that is the last thing we all remember before the morning._

_The one thing we all remember being the next thing that happened after that, is waking up. No one knows how we got into the position we did, but somehow we all woke up next to each other, next to me. I woke up to find my Dad sat on my left with my hand tightly grasped in his, Cooper on my right with his hand in mine clinging on like he would never let go, and then mum was sat the other side of my dad with one hand gripped firmly in my dad's free hand and the other one resting on my knee, just on top of mine and my dad's interlocked fingers. We stayed like that for hours. No one moved, no one spoke, no one had to. I felt safe. Safer than I had in a long time. It just stung that it took something this horrific for it to happen. I love them. And that will never change. And that night, however we ended up as we did, meant the world to me, it gave me the strength to fight knowing they were behind me, always behind me._

_I know that's a lot to take in, and maybe I shouldn't have just sprung it on you in this letter, the third letter I've sent you, but you had to know. All I could ever tell you to your face was that it was hard and no one took it well, because I couldn't bear to think of the weakness I had seen in their eyes, the despair, the anguish._

_But I want you to know that my mum is still the strongest person I know. Once we had got through this, she went back to putting on a smile for her customers, and being by my side for every doctor's appointment and hospital visit there was. The brokenness disappeared when she knew I needed her more than ever, and for that she will always be my superhero. She stood by me, helped me and gave me courage, but most importantly she game me all the love I could ever want. And I guess I asked you to go see her so that you could get to know that person, and I told you all about the brokenness so you could understand how hard it was for me to tell everyone and that you weren't the only one who broke. I want you to have a support network and to be okay. To get on with your life, and to be happy. _

_I know in the past two letters I've asked you to do something for me, to keep yourself going, for yourself mostly. But this week I only ask one thing. Stay close with your family, never let them go. If I had the chance to do things over, family would be my top priority. I know you and your family are close, but make sure you go to Friday night dinner or that you call them to check in. They are your rock, they always will be, don't let them go. Don't look back in anguish and regret your decisions, and the time you didn't spend with your family. Please. _

_Until The next one_

_Have Courage_

_Forever and Always_

_Your Blaine_

_xxx_

Kurt had begun to read with an open mind, a small smile on his face as he remembered meeting Blaine's mother, but by the end of the letter he was in floods, happy floods because of Blaines description of his mum but completely sad floods at the way his mu, had broken and how Kurt couldn't even begin to imagine how hard it was. It was this letter that made Kurt decided to go and see Lizzie once a week, for a catch up and to see how they were both doing for as long as, well he didn't know how long it would be, but he knew that every Thursday that is where he would be. Sat in the window, sipping a coffee with a triple chocolate threat and chatting to Lizzie. And every Friday, or Friday night at the least would be spent at home with his family, with no exceptions. He knew why Blaine had asked him to stay close to his family, because they were Kurt's world and he wouldn't survive without them.

He wondered what else Blaine could have to tell him. What other bits of his life Kurt hadn't known about that Blaine had wanted him to know, or that Blaine felt he should know so as to understand him better. But he knew he couldn't spend his time wondering what would come in the letter, so he would just wait for the next letter and see what Blaine would tell him next. He loved Blaine and for now, these letters were his sole lifeline. He knew this would change in time, but for now, for now he needed it.

**So what did you think?**

**I need your help… would it be better to show Blaine's relationship with his dad next, or the relationship with cooper? Which would you guys prefer?**

**Please review!**

**And thanks for reading (:**


End file.
